Google buys the French National Library

Google announced today that it has taken over control of the French National Library. It managed to do so buy taking over rights belonging to the French Bourbon family.

Google plans to scan all the books in the library and make them digitally available through Google Books.

“Yes, there will be a small fee,” Sergey Brin of Google says, “but visitors from the .fr domain name will get access to the books at a reduced price. ”

When asked whether the acquisition is a response to the French government’s attempt to develop a Google competitor called Quareo, Brin answered that he would not give in to French Anti-Americanism.

“We are friends of the French people,” he said, “and we would very much like to help our European forefathers achieve the same technological, economical and cultural success as we have. One way of doing this is by making French literature and French science easily available to the rest of the world.”

Google’s engineers have announced that there will be an automatic translation service available in Google Books, translating all books into flawless American English.

“We expect any French to American translation to reduce the number of words by 50 percent,” Andy Smith of Google Labs says, “which means that now even the French will have the time to read documents published by the French authorities.”

French newspapers report that French President Jacques Chirac is shocked by the news. “In no way will we accept that American imperialists take over our national heritage,” he said to Le Monde. He will now bring the acquisition in for the International Court in Hague.

“As Americans we do not recognize the jurisdiction of the Hague Tribunal,” Brin replies. ” We only follow court orders from the Chinese judiciary.”

French students are now gathering in the streets for Paris to rally against American capitalism and hard work.

Reuters met two students at Planet Hollywood in Champs-Elysees. “Starbucks have taken our coffee,” one of them said, “Hollywood has taken Luc Besson. The Library is the only thing we have left.”

George Bush has been reported to say that he will not intervene: “The French have lost every war since Julius Caesar was defeated in Russia,” he said to reporters on the White House lawn. “We are sick and tired of helping them out.”

Google denies additional rumours of plans to buy the Eiffel Tower in order to display Google Adwords in neon to the Parisian public.

Google is, however, taking over the French passion for amour. Google’s blog today announced the lauch of Google Romance, an online dating service. The new site is expected to reduce the number of American tourists to Paris with some 50 percent.